loss

I burst into tears in the middle of Principe Pio train station today. It isn't the first time I've had a spontaneous crying jag since we've gotten to Madrid--I've had a lot of them, to be honest, with provocations ranging from the banal (inability to find a public drinking fountain) to the extra trivial (inability to find a hairdryer). Anyone who says it's easy to move halfway across the world is full of lies.

Today in the train station though, I started crying because I woke up to the news this morning that a dear colleague and friend had been killed in an accident in Seattle.  I met Sher about a year and a half ago; we worked together closely on on a particularly horrid challenging project. By "closely," I mean we were on the phone with each other at least a dozen times a day, and must have exchanged thousands of emails over a few short months. You know, bonding through adversity and all that. The work sucked, but she was a gem--quick and bright in every sense of the word and generous of spirit. (We may have spent more time laughing than working, come to think of it.) Sher was so full of life and I don't think I ever saw her sit still for more than a few seconds at a time.

After the project ended, we kept saying that we should have dinner together with our spouses, but life got busy and we never got around to it. Even so, we would regularly pop into others' offices and have a quick chat before going about the rest of the day. A couple of weeks ago, Steve and I hung out with Sher, her fiancee, and their adorable baby girl at the zoo. I'm trying to keep that memory at the forefront of my mind--of how happy she and her family looked.

I don't know. I'm not particularly articulate and I certainly have nothing new to offer in a conversation about loss. I guess I'm just trying to process my own grief by writing this and putting it out on the internet for all to read.  And whatever I feel must be but a pale shadow of what her fiancee and family are experiencing. What really breaks my heart is knowing that her beautiful baby will never know first-hand what an amazing woman her mother was and how much she loved her.

Anyway. I am sad for me, but much more so for Sher's loved ones.

I'm grateful to be alive and to spend each day with this guy, in Seattle, Madrid, and everywhere else.

That is all.